Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Of Ovaries and Cheeseflux

Warning:  All males need read no further-

Still here?  Well it goes something like this:

My youngest and friends of both daughters tell me I'm an evil woman.  They're probably right but on at least one count, I'm innocent. It's not my fault that I was never plagued by cramps...until now.

At 44, I've decided that the reason I'm just now experiencing cramps can be traced to one of two things.  Either there's more to the "synching" up process than hitherto-for known or my ovaries are trying to squeeze out the last of my eggs.

Frankly, I think it's the second.  I can just see it.  It's like someone is trying to squeeze the last drop of toothpaste from an otherwise empty tube.  Fortunately, they're not so bad, but it is odd and not a little bit disconcerting to someone who had previously escaped the monthly hell.

I shared this idea with my husband (that's what you're supposed to do, right?  Share?)  His response was to be sure and tell him in advance when the last one was due to be squeezed out so he could plan on being out of the country.  Very funny.  Ha. Ha.

And he tells me that telling my daughter I was going to use the term cheeseflux here is further evidence that I am more of a nerd than he is.  (Poor guy,  He's outnumbered at home since his only male companionship comes in the form of two neutered dogs.  But still)  He's an engineer who reads science fiction and fantasy, plays role playing games and bridge on the computer until all hours and is a big fan of Star Wars, Star Trek and Lord of the Rings, etc.  The only part about being a nerd he's missing is the horn rim glasses and pocket protector.

And me you say?  

I'm not an engineer.  


skyewriter said...

My hubby is a physicist, and games online; perhaps they've met and blown up some shit together? They could have been separated at birth from your description.

I had to look up cheeseflux. You should be happy to know that yours' was the first result on the google hit list.

Nicely done. And I might add, I cannot believe you've never had cramps! You evil woman!

So unfair, SO UNFAIR!

D said...

Just wait for when you start having you "personal summers." I hear it's hell. Men get off so easy. All they have to worry about is trying to avoid those VDs that make their dicks fall off. (Well it's true!)

True Blue Texan said...

Skyewriter- I am told that cheeseflux was a term my eldest and her friends discovered on They adopted it as a term to describe menstruation and all its wonderful accompaniments.

D- No "personal summers" yet. I'm so looking forward to it.

Jean517 said...

I've had cheeseflux for the past 12 years. The best part is that you can become a raving maniac and people just walk away backwards with a bewildered look on their faces. It's kind of fun.

Maddie said...

Eldest here with the story of the cheeseflux... The story goes that at some point way back in history a woman's cycle was called the moon flux, and since everyone knows the moon is made of cheese... So, cheeseflux.