I'm back! And boy did I find some good ones....
We start with the tale of the business man who didn't want to miss his flight. So he called in a bomb threat. Isn't it amazing how they can track down who makes a phone call to the airport like that? Isn't more amazing that there's someone in the world who apparently has no clue that technology exists to do just this?
From India we move to Australia, just a hop, skip and jump across the Pacific where we find that rumors abound about how protesters plan to disrupt the Repco World Rally Championship. Frozen koala seems to be on the menu. Which is odd considering they're protesting the environmental damage caused by the race. I don't know about you, but tossing a frozen koala at a race car seems counterproductive to my claims to be concerned about the environment.
I don't know whether to be concerned, amused or vaguely insulted. The government is enlisting Elmo to teach kids how to stave of the Swine Flu. Seriously. Elmo. The government says we shouldn't be concerned, but lets call out the muppets to remind the kiddos to wash their hands.
As always there's a long list of stupid criminals. A long, long list. They're not all here, of course, cause all it takes is a Google search of stupid and criminal and you'll get more than enough hits to entertain you on a rainy afternoon, but I digress. Let's start with one that made me giggle. A grocery store in Zachary, LA caught a woman on tape stealing a 24-can case of beer. Simple enough. Except for how she stole it. She lifted up her house dress, wedged the case between her thighs and waddled out. And apparently it took a while to figure out who she was and where she lived. The theft was Aug. 22. Police learned her identity last week and located her Monday. Top notch police work there guys. Oh, and she volunteered to demonstrate how she "hid" the 20 pound case. Police declined.
We move slightly further north to Knoxville, TN where police learned that it's not enough to handcuff your suspect and put him in the cruiser. You need to take your keys with you. Steven Seiber was detained on suspicion of possession of crack cocaine, handcuffed and placed in the cruiser while officers dealt with other individuals. Despite being told he would only be issued a misdemeanor citation and released, Seiber decided he wasn't going to be taken alive. He wiggled his hands under his bum and to the front, crawled through the opening in the security screen, got behind the wheel and took off. After a merry chase that ended in one crashed cruiser, he was arrested under considerably more serious charges.
In North Carolina, the police continue the "can't get a break" theme. Cumberland County Deputy Lyn Lavallis responded to a complaint about a dog. While talking to the woman, the dog in question entered the driveway. And proceed to gnaw on all 4 tires. Four flat tires later, the owner received a bill for $500 to replace the tires. The dog didn't attack a person, just ate the tires. Bet he likes to chase cars and thought he had finally caught one.
We finish our tales of stupid criminals and the police with the story of Kansas man who was arrested for impersonating an officer. Note to self: if I'm going to try to impress a girl by claiming I'm a cop, don't threaten to arrest her when she's reluctant to come home with me. It might tip her that things are not quite what they seem. Seriously, dude? Did you think that was really going to work? Doofus.
That's it for today. Wednesday Weirdness will resume it's regularly scheduled idiocy next week. Later.