Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Wednesday Weirdness

I've been out most the last weekend moving my Eldest into her first apartment.  I'd forgotten what a genuine pain in the ass it is to move. But it's that time again and though I may be a bit late, I've still managed to find some jewels.

We begin in Singapore where we have proof that adultery doesn't pay .  A secretary and her boss were at a local park for a little "afternoon delight" when a van hit their parked car.  Not much of a problem except for the fact that the lady was in the act of the "kiss of life" as the article so quaintly puts it and bit down involuntarily at the moment of impact thus severing most of the unfortunate boss's penis.  Luckily, the woman's husband had hired a PI to prove infidelity and he called an ambulance.  While no doubt getting incontrovertible proof.

We move over to Guangzhou, China where an onlooker got tired of waiting for a suicidal man to jump off the Haizhu bridge.  So he broke through police lines and pushed him off . Chen Fuchao fell 26 feet into an emergency air cushion.  He survived and his "assistant" was sent to jail.

Here's proof that no good deed goes unpunished. 81-year-old James Stacy of Ohio is charged with criminal damaging for cleaning out a pot hole with a pick axe and broom prior to the city's scheduled repair.  Stacy denies that he ignored an officer's warning and faces up to 90 days in jail.

A bank in Wellington, New Zealand has lost an undisclosed amount after depositing $6 million dollars into a couple's bank account after they requested $6,000 for an overdraft. The couple withdrew a portion, but seemingly not all, of the funds and disappeared.  Interpol has been asked to help since authorities fear they may have fled the country.  Why does this kind of thing never happen to me?

As nice as discovering $6 million might be finding this next set of items after purchasing a property was probably more than Northlake Church of Christ expected.  The Indiana church bought the defunct Serenity Gardens Funeral Home in Gary and discovered 4 bodies.  The previous owner, Darryl Cammack is quoted as saying that the bodies were "Definitely not. Definitely not. I'm almost positive,"not his responsibility and claimed he sold the funeral home after losing his license in 2006.  Course the state has no record of the sale and a neighbor claims he was the only one she ever saw working there.  So either these bodies have been lying around for 3 years or this yahoo was doing business without a license for 3 years and either way he's pretty damn slip shod to have left 4 bodies lying around around for goodness sakes!

We have a requisite stupid criminal out of Memphis, TN.  Seems that Ezederick Jones decided to rob the local KFC.  Problem was, the mask he picked didn't do much in the way of covering things up and the manager recognized him as an employee she had recently fired. She called him by name and after a brief struggle, he fled. Only to be picked up by police within a few hours.  Now I've heard of disgruntled employees doing some pretty crazy things but this one wasn't too bright.  First step when you plan on robbing or otherwise vandalizing your former employer is to make sure they don't recognize you.

Enough of stupid people, lets move on to odd animal stories.  Our first is out of New Orleans where a rare albino bottle nose dolphin has been sighted.  It's just the 14th reported worldwide and the third in the Gulf of Mexico.  The pink dolphin stands out when he surfaces with 4 grey adults.


Bobby Jenkins got a little more than he bargained for when he decided to help his dog.  Tank got bit by a rattlesnake and Bobby sucked the venom out of the dogs nose .  Both man and beast ended up needing antivenin shots. Tank's head swelled up to three times its normal size and Jenkins actions saved his life.

And last we have the report of a Los Angeles County couple who will be allowed to keep 10 goats, 2 horses, a llama and an emu after agreeing to give up 15 additional goats.  Neighbors had complained but the couple had a permit for 10 goats. They were allowed to keep the rest of the animals on the condition that they build a 6 foot fence to separate the male and female goats thus hopefully reducing the chances for exponential growth. Again.  Goats.  Who would want 25 goats to begin with? They're not living in a farm area but on property zoned light industrial.  Which means their neighbors have things like businesses and such on their property and not goats.  Can't quite wrap my head around that one. Can you imagine coming to work at your local electronics manufacturer and finding goats next door? I have this vision of a tiny "farm" surrounded by warehouses and industrial parks with a rusty windmill in the back yard and goats everywhere.  And lets not forget the llama and emu. What are they doing all day?

Gah!  Time to move on.  See y'all next week.

1 comment:

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I can't get over the biten penis.