Monday, December 17, 2007

Stanley FUBAR

Stanley has a new a tool. Makes sense. That's what they do. But apparently this one is making a bit of a sensation. Popular Science has given it a "Best of What's New" award. They call it a FUBAR, which they say stands for functional utility bar, but which we all know has a different meaning.

FUBAR is one of those glorious military terms that means fucked up beyond all repair (or all recognition, depending on the situation). Sometimes you'll see the pansy-assed term "fouled" substituted for its more descriptive cousin. Don't be a pansy ass.

Only the military could come up with such a wonderful term that not only describes the situation but somehow captures its essence. Closely related is SNAFU, or situation normal, all fucked up.

FUBAR and SNAFU re the two most well known and commonly used acronyms. There are a few other I'd like to share:

REMF - Rear Echelon Mother Fucker, an infantryman's view of officers behind the lines or politicians.

BOHICA- bend over, here it comes again

SAPFU- surpasses all previous fuck ups

and my new personal favorite:
FUNDY- fucked up, not dead yet, apparently used on British medical charts.

(For a more more complete list, see

So, Stanley wants to add to the lexicon. I suppose their use of FUBAR has some poetic sense. After all, hopefully the demolition occurs after the building has reached the state of FUBAR,

While the tool itself does look rather cool and the commercial is worth a giggle (a shed gets destroyed like a pinata with a FUBAR), I miss the days when carpenters used a hammer for its intended purpose. Zipping along with a nail gun sure speeds things up, but what's wrong with actually taking the time to hammer a nail? Besides, I just can't see my Dad with a pneumatic nail gun. Its a kinda scary thought, actually. I mean, if you miss with hammer, you'll end up with a bruised thumb. Miss with a nail gun and that's a much bigger ouch.

But, not being one to stand in the way of progress, I hereby adopt the term "Stanley" as an office friendly version of FUBAR. My boss with henceforth be receiving reports titled "Updated Stanley Database".