Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving Eve- or how I learned to stop worrying and love the upcoming Rapture

So I had to work today. Well, to be specific, I was at work but I didn't do too much actual work. What did I do instead? Well, it all started with my blog reader.

 And this little headline from Unreasonable Faith:

Looking forward to the Rapture but worried about your pets?

Well, I had to look into that. I mean, who wouldn't? I discovered this enterprising set of Atheists at Eternal Earthbound Pets. For the low, low cost of $110 you can guarantee that an unlucky Atheist will come rescue your pet in the event of the Rapture. Seriously. 

My husband noted that there were no rescuers in Texas and that might be a business opportunity for us. After all, we're the wrong kind of Christian. The kind that most Rapture believing types would assume would get left behind. Like the pets.
Then he had to go and mention the idea of who would be Raptured and how we might tell if the Rapture had or had not happened. After all, it might have happened already if, and I quote,
a bunch of Born-again Christians disappear, could it be rapture? Who decides what constitutes rapture? You know all the Christianists left behind will deny that they didn’t qualify.
And that lead me to the idea to google this phrase: "how many will be taken in the rapture". Go google it. It nuts. So nuts in fact, that I found this lovely little website:

THE RAPTURE and START of WORLD WAR III – BY: December 21st 2010!

If you have a couple of hours, and don't mind killing a few brain cells along the way, go venture over there. Where you'll learn that the end of the tribulation will be on September 23, 2015. Also that by the end of Fall 2010 the following will happen:
  1. Damascus, Syria will be destroyed
  2. Catastrophic nuclear attack on New York City, Phoenix and other major US cities
  3. Two massive US earthquakes
  4. Russia AND China invade the US
  5. Complete global economic collapse
  6. Global food shortages
Wow, since none of that has happened, God better get busy. (Mental note: revisit on January 1)

After that, and numerous admonitions to watch a endless supply of videos, which I refrained from doing, I gave up.  Apparently, whoever made this website doesn't understand the concept of pages, cause this screed is one long and never-ending page. It goes on and on and on and on and on. The scroll bar on the side of the page hardly moves even though to get to the point above, I had actually scrolled through the equivalent of about a dozen or more pages.

My husband was not appreciative.
WHY DID YOU SEND ME THAT LINK! These wacko’s make my brain hurt with their pseudo-logic and LEAPING interpretations!

To which I replied, with this:

While I found the above animation (found by googling "Rapture animation", I shit you not), Hubs was unimpressed. He even whined and asked "What did I ever do to you . . ."

My reply was, I thought, suitable witty.
Well, if I wasn’t having to hold up the entire conversation with my mad internetz skills, I might stop. But since you think you should actually be working, I must continue. Here’s a lovely website. I particularly love that he appears to have all his bases covered what with natural disasters, alien invasion, nuclear war and so on. Oddly enough stuck in amid the How to Survive…” links is one to “Gambia’s cure for AIDS”.. Oh never mind, I just checked it out. Amazingly enough it ties in with the End Times. Fancy that. Enjoy.
I include a small portion of the site (mentioned above) for your amusement:

Suffice it to say that after I reminded him that he wanted to leave early to make it to the store before all the turkeys were gone and I would stop torturing him with stupid websites once we left, he finished what he was working on in record time.

And I just had to share. After all, it was a day well spent trolling the internetz.

Have a Happy Turkey Day. Try not to kill your relatives. Especially the Republican ones. Me, I avoid the problem by staying away.


Aliceson said...

Wow, that's some crazy stuff!

Happy Thanksgiving to you too!

Ahab said...

(Okay, my first two attempts at posting a comment didn't work. Third time's a charm ...)

WHAT THE HECK!? I watched the video up to the 2:33 mark, but had to stop because of the sheer ridiculousness. Sadly, I've met believers who genuinely believe that Christians will be persecuted in the future, and who would see this odd video as prophetic.

I chuckled when I first learned about Eternal Earthbound Pets -- do they need a heathen caregiver for pet birds? I love birds.

True Blue Texan said...


Actually, they all worked. Blogger is odd sometimes and it appears that it doesn't like your comment when in fact it is being held for moderation or some such. Since you managed to say the same thing all three times (when I have to do the same thing, I'm never quite capable of remembering everything so, good job) I just published the one.

And may I just add, you are a braver soul than I. I avoided the videos. Thanks for taking one for the team.

LeftLeaningLady said...

I am supposed to be working now, but I had guilt in my heart due to my lack of blogging and reading blogs. So I am spending some time catching up. I will be back to this post when I have more time in the future.

AND, apparently there was some slight Republican talk at my house on Thanksgiving, but the speakers (relatives, of course) made sure I was no where around.

Susan Tomlinson said...

Oh my goodness. Hilarious!

Where has this blog been? It might just save my sanity.